I just Can't Believe

It has been four weeks. I and all of my kin have been busy taking care of our sick mother, my grandmother exactly. She’s suffering a malignant tumour. I do not know what it is usually called; it may be a cardiac tumour, a mass of cells growing in or on a part of my grandma’s heart.
It is very devastating. Doctors have said for several times; any medical help can do nothing about it. Neither chemotherapy nor surgery can help my grandma, so we just have the last hope.
We try to lay the burden down and trust in Him and patiently take care of our mother.
Days have been hard for me and others. Beside believing in the power of God and all kind of miracles, we are often afraid, especially when our beloved mother coughing and vomitting.
It is so depressing. Our beloved parent is dying and nothing we can help but praying for her.
Day by day; our mother were fine before she died this morning.
I was sleeping and dreaming of an unpleasant stepdaughter of my aunt came in our house and made the situation unpleasant. Before a long unhappy moment happened in my dream, my phone rang and I woke up. It was at 01:49 a.m. I picked the phone, it was my aunt. She told me, not in a clear voice, that grandma had just passed away. I could not believe it. “Just like that?” I asked my self. I could’t say much about that moment. I was so depressed and sad.
I just cried and mourned in that silent moment. Meanwhile in the phone, there were several people crying;
Then the harder part came for me. Aunt told me I must tell my mother. I called her. She picked it up. I told her what happened and I. Sorry, I can’t explain this moment. I was miserably sad. The way I told the news to my mother and her reaction only made me saddened. It has haunted me until now, at this very moment.
I am in a big grief, friend!
Now I pulled myself from the crowd of people in the house.
I sort of try to accept what has happened and let God take her back home. It is a simple thing, actually but I just can’t believe it happens today. I think I just need some time.
There are a lot of people in the house. Neighbors, family, and people from the church came to see our mother for the last time.
There was a kind of rite and a praying. Some requiems have just been sang. Some prayers have just been finished. I just wait in grief what would be next.
Now they are singing “Our Father”.
I remember the face of my grandma in the coffin. She looked so beautiful and kind. She even looked like smiling like the way a pretty woman smile because of being grateful to God.
Now the song is finished. It is finished, maybe. It is about time. My grandma’s body will be sent to the cemetery.
I would like to say goodbye to her.
Thank you, friend for seeing this sharing. God bless you!